i haven't written in like 8 months. wowwww. lemme try and think what all has happened since then. um.. i went to see britney spears in concert on september 5th in greensboro. it was incredible, but i don't remember much about it because i was so starstruck. me and aj aren't friends anymore because of something horrible i did. i tried apologizing but he just ignored me. oh welllll. it's almost christmas, i'm so excited! i asked for an ipod, but i don't know if i'll get it. i haven't seen hope since like august or something. i miss her so much. she's busy alllll the time. i'm considering getting a job somewhere doing stock like third shift. i dunno. me and amanda went to cpcc last week about our ged's. we couldn't do anything because we both forgot our ID's. lmfao um ya i can't think of anything else that's happened. kthnxbai

my house is 80 degreessssss. that's ridiculous. i'm sooooo hot. blehhhhh. i'm so stupid too, i just walked down to the store to get cigarettes in jeans, and a hoodie. ahahahahha i was like what the fuck, why am i dressed like this. god, i can't wait til winter. >.>

*sighhhh* i love judy garland.. i need a cigarette. i'm kinda sad because i went and read all my old LJ posts. depressing! all i did was complain. i guess nothing much has changed. i still complain all the time lol. yay chrissy made an lj! girl lives like 8 miles down the road, we need to chilllll.

people i miss after reading my old LJ posts:

sara reinecke
mae :(
molly

that's about it

my neighbor's dog died. i'm really sad cause i love their dogs. the other one that's still alive is really old, so he won't last much longer either. i can't imagine how they feel.. i mean i would be devestated if my cat died, and theyve had that dog for 10 years. ok anyways.... moving on from sad things. i really like meg and dias new cd. i've never been a fan of theirs, but i like the new cd. and ciaras new cd is good. i had a dream last night that me and hope were robbers. we broke into these black peoples house and stole their darth vader mask and baseball cards. and then the son jumped in the window and was like, "I CALLED THE COP ON YO ASSES" that's the end. it was really funny. :) k i'm gonna go smoke.

I'm so excited, I haven't been able to remember the password to this account in a longggg time, and I finally did. :) So now i don't have to use that new lame one. Still can't believe I'm 18. Whateva. I don't really have anything to write, I just wanted to update since I was so excited I remembered my password. I think I'm overusing the word I... or is that a letter? I mean I know it's a letter, but uh... I don't know. UGH I'M STILL DOING IT.
I'm supposed to hang out with AJ and Hope this weekend, so that should be funz. And then on Tuesday, I'm going to Molly's, which is greatttt, because I haven't been there since last yearrr. Like October. Damn.
I can't wait to get Resident Evil Fourrrrrrrrrr, it looks so funnnnnnnnn. Anyways. Bye. :)

touch is so magic to meee, strangest things can happennnn
love sex and magiccccxcxcxcxcxxcxcsdafasfgsdg
bored.

MOLLY YOU BETTER START USING YOUR LIVEJOURNAL MMMMK?

so i'm at my grandparents house while they're out of town. just because our air conditioning is still broken, and i can't fucking take it anymore. it better be fixed by the time i go back home! but yeah i've been watching nothing but the disney channel. the cheetah girls 2 sucks. dumbbb movieee. and the new one looks dumber. bollywood? leave bollywood to indians. not disney hoes. but i love hannah montana. and the wizards of waverly place! that ones muh favorite. and zack and cody. i miss lizzie mcguire! lol that movie sucked too though. and i've been listening to jonas brothers. basically i feel like a 10 year old girl. i lovez it too. hahahaha. the only thing i'm not happy with at the moment is both my sisters being here with me. i don't understand why my mom thinks i need them to babysit me. it's really annoying. especially since amanda's bitch of a boyfriend is here with her. and megan brought her annoying chihuahua that yaps all the time. i really hate that i'm not getting on the bus in a few days and going to northwest. i really took it for granted. and now i miss it so much. i don't want to be one of those people that go to cpcc. but oh wellllll.

ok, this boy is so sexy. i mean jesus. wooooo. i can't even stress it enough. just... mmm.

i haven't written in here since may. i had a panic attack sometime in june.. or maybe early july? i don't remember. but it was a while ago. and i was in the hospital for three days. it was horrible. but then i got better and the last few days ive felt alot better. but then tonight the anxiety came back for some reason. i just feel it all over, and it wont go away. i'm really just tired of feeling like i don't have anyone. i don't even feel like i have my family, because they all get on my goddamn nerves, so i don't talk to them. i never talk to hope. i never talk to aj. i miss krystal sooooooooo much. and i just wish things between us could just go back to how they were in 9th grade. that was so much fun. and now i'm so miserable. i feel like i like chrystina more than she ilkes me. and that's pretty much all i have. noone else, but those 4 people- and i feel like i'm losing them more and more every day. i'm just really way too emotional. i think about things way too much. but whatever.
i'm talking to someone i really like, but i can't say who it is, cause he's in the closettt. but he makes me feel alot better. maybe that's why i feel so bad tonight. i haven't talked to him but once today. and that was wayyyy earlier. ugh. lol. anyways. nothing much more to say.

today was the first day i've done yard work in.... years? well... let's just say physical labor in general. i'm patheticcc.

: )
every inch of my body is aching, and i'm covered in dirt- but for some reason, i'm in a good mood.


must be all that vitamin D from the sun that i haven't been exposed to since childhood. awh, that reminds me. i found a bunch of my old toys in our sandbox. a plastic horse, and batman.

haha

ok so the other day i posted an entry talking about how this guy i'm talking to was putting off meeting me, and not really talking to me that much, and i was getting impatient. well NOW he's trying to take things way too fast. we haven't even met yet, and he's calling me his boyfriend??? that is so ridiculous, and i hate it so much. but see the thing is, i'm so desperate that i can't let this guy go no matter what stupid things he does. haha i never have guys interested in me. well i do, but they're all rejects. and maybe this one is too, but not in the same way. he's hot(in my opinion) just acts retarded.

this is a really pointless entry, im just really bored. i have nothing to do as usual. anyways... i wanna meet this guy, but he doesnt seem to feel the same. he keeps putting it off. we had a pretty good conversation on the phone last night though, so i dont know. its confusing. and im getting really impatient already. i really think he just wants sex, but i dont know... hes confusing. i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this feeling. ughhhhh. i need a cigarette. no i need a blunt. a big fat blunt.

im talking to a 27 year old...
hahahahahahhahahahhahahahahaha
i feel nastyyy

i'm pretty sure i know who said this
and i think it's pretty fucked up seeing as how it's not true
i don't demand anything and even if i did it has nothing to do with these circumstances
i wasn't demanding anything from aj, but that's not what you were talking about
you were talking about krystal, and i didn't demand anything from her either


"you really do screw over alot of your friends.
you demand them to be their but they dont get the same respect in return.
when it all comes down to its all about nick.even if you hurt other people while doing it.

"

ok, i haven't written in here in 8 months. and that was during my Zeitgeist phase. alot has happened.. i guess. i turned 17, quit going to school, and have nooooo idea what i'm doing with my life. not that i did back then either. i got really drunk at hopes house before my birthday and now i'm not allowed over there anymore. unless i get my mom to call her dad- which is not going to happen. unless my mom makes me really mad(bound to happen) and i just tell her as a slap in the face. i'm trying to lose weight. i've been doing cardio every day. sometimes every other day. i should do more, but i'm too lazy. i just realized that i don't use paragraphs. i just write in one incredible big bulk of a mess of words. ahahaha i don't know how to do paragraphs, i don't know when to start a new one. anywayyyysssss. i didn't actually drop out of school, i just stopped going... i'm thinking about going for the EOC's or EOG's or whatever they're called, and taking them just incase maybe some sort of miracle happens and i pass them. (won't happen) but still... and if they don't kick me out of the school, i'll go back next year. i would loveeee to go back to new york with apparrel, especially if it's with chrystina. that would be sooo much fun. : ) i've been thinking i might be slowly growing into that phobia of leaving your house. i already hate leaving my house. i hate being out in public. and i hateee being around alot of people. today at the funeral i was miserable. not only because my great aunt was dead in the next room, but because there was sooo many people that i didn't know and i had noone to talk to. my sister didn't go. and my cousin was late. and when he did get there he didn't really talk- just sat there. i had to keep myself from making eye contact with anyone so they wouldn't come up and talk to me. my second cousin is really cute. AHAHAHA he's also like 40. and related to me. stop it. ew. ew. oh, and he's married. ewwwww stoppp pFUCSAFJSDAIFJSDF ok anyways... i think if i de-uglify myself, the possibility of me growing into that phobia will fade away quickly. because really the only reason i hate being out around people is because i feel hideous. and i hate the fact that when i'm talking to someone they're probably thinking that to themselves. this is a really long entry. that would have been a good start to a new paragraph! oh well, too late. ok i think this quite enough. i wrote a fucking essay. does anyone get on here anymore?
xoxoxoxo

ive driven away all but about 4 friends
apparently, im "emo"
i feel like i have nothing
like my world has officially fallen apart
i cried in gym yesterday
and today after lunch
and today when i got home
so i guess "emo" could be appropriate now that i think about it
this isnt how i wanted high school to be
this isnt how i wanted my life to be

sooo.. the concert was amazing
i didn't think akon was gonna be there
seeing as how he humped a 14 year old girl
but he was
and he was really good
lady sovereign sucked
and got booed
and flipped off XD

but gwen.. gwen was phenomenal
i've never had a better time
never seen a better performance
it was flawless.. perfectttt
i got a poster. it's really big.
not big enough though.
it's over my bed.
so she can sing to me while i sleep.
wow, forget i said that.
anyways..

it was really weird,
because me and hope were talking about how much we missed kelsey
and then like ten minutes later,
hope is like, "hey, that girl looks alot like kelsey"
and then she was like, "...wait. THAT IS KELSEY!"
so we ran and trampled her.
hahaha. i miss her so much.

i got three videos, and two pictures
my batteries were going dead :/

this is the best video i got
its 'Rich Girl'
probably the best performance of the night

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kITxFfpKfHw

so now that he has a boyfriend, he cant talk to me?
fuck that.



and i fucking hate sanjaya.
his ass better be expecting some mail,
CAUSE IM SENDIN IN DAH LETTAHS BABY.

I hate everything right now.
especially the black guy in my algebra class, who does nothing but preach about jesus, but then he turns around and calls me a "faggot" and a "cocksucker" all the time. and he's constantly like.. molesting all the girls in my class. and making fun of the overweight ones. hes pathetic and sad. i hate people like that. no, i dont hate them. i feel bad for them. i feel bad because they dont know a thing about emotions. they get love and hate confused. they get religion confused.

now im just rambling from rage.
everyone has someone right now except for me it seems.
all my friends are constantly not talking to me because theyre busy with theyre boyfriends/girlfriends. some people.. i look at.. and im just like.. how come they get someone.. but i cant?

and i think i got one of my best friends dumped. i dont understand why i cant keep a fucking secret. every time someone tells me something, i cant keep it in. i have to go tell people. i hate myself. no, i just hate that about me. its so aggravating. because i cant help it, and then i feel really bad after i do it.

then that bitch keiko went and told bryan that he should dump ben because i wanted to go out with him. you dont fucking do something like that. thats dumb as fuck. shes so retarded. now theyre gonna make fun of me even more than they probably already do.

anyways. im done.
this is all i needed.
i needed to vent.
and now i feel alot better.
thanks to the people that actually read this meaningless crap.

me and sara went to see preminition
it was good
not as good as i thought it would be

the second half was definately better
eh

so i woke up today at 4 PM alone at AJ's house
went to smoke a cigarette, but someone took my last one while i was sleeping
-_-
got ready to leave, and sat on the couch to watch "Yes, Dear"
then jeremiah pulled up, so i had to hide from the windows while he pounded on the doors with his gorilla fists
bahahahahahhahahaha... god, i hate him

then i left to go home
my grandma picked me up from my house at 6, and we went to boudreauxs(i know i probably spelled that wrong) in noda, and i had the best sandwich ive ever had in my life
i definately have to go there again

thennnn at 8 we went to Theatre Charlotte and saw The Crucible
three hours of Religous persecution, Boredom, and Ass Pains
really, it was the most boring thing ive ever had to sit through(next to church service)
my ass was hurting so bad, and the old people were breathing loud

but now im home
and im really bored
without cigarettes
but atleast it's only friday